Its gets a little too much trying to always constantly be there to pick up the pieces for everyone. Trying my best to constantly check up on everyone to see if they are okay and breathing. I mean don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining about helping people because I love to do it. But sometimes its like a sickness, I need to know everyone is okay and if they are not I feel like its my responsibility to fix them. I enjoy it because I love the feeling you get after you have helped someone feel better. And also help them to realize that they are not alone because I’ve been through too much of my life alone and I know how that feels like; nobody should go have to go through things alone. And yeah I’m helping them get stronger in a sense but they are really teaching me too. People teach me how to truly appreciate what I have and to really differentiate what is worth hurting over and what is not.

But would it be bad that sometimes I want someone to fix me? I know I constantly preach being independent and how I don’t need someone to fix me because I can do it myself. And this is true because I have done it before and I know I can definitely do it again. But it would be nice to find someone who loves life and themselves that can teach me how to see life in the same perspective as them. I want someone that knows when I’m not okay and does something about it. I want someone who won’t give up just because I nudge them away. I want someone who will actually be sensitive to my feelings but are honest at the same time. Because the whole brutal honesty really does hurt. And I’m tired of trying to take it like a champ and be strong all the time. I want someone to realize that I don’t cry often so when I do it means something and99% of the time, when I do cry, all I want is a hug.

I just want someone who is stable and that can take care of me for once. Don’t get me wrong, I will take care of them as well but sometimes I just want to know at the end of the day after all is said and done they can make it through life without me but they choose not too. Because that is not what they want. They want me.

(Source: itswhateverj)